What's so funny?

There's quote that says, "A day without laughter is a day wasted". Seeing that I've never met anyone who simply refuses to laugh (with the exception of this clip) makes that a no-brainer.

In recent months during my SDM stint here in Penang, I've hung out with numerous people who have the exceptional ability to tickle your funny bone in an instant and i've grown envious of their entertainment capacity (not to mention their huge memory for their jokes database). Agreed, they may have the stupidest of jokes such as:

Q: How do you make an elephant bow?
A: Flick his balls.

See, I know you're going "wth" but i've seen a guy make the same joke and make 30 grown up men pee in their pants! It's all in the delivery, I know, I know.

No, I'm not going to start preaching on the technicalities of humor i.e. structures of jokes etc etc. It just bugs me simply because I'm getting confused due to the fact that different people I talk to give me absolutely contrasting responses! .. It's not funny when you try to crack a joke with your bosses and you get the 'wtf dude'-look' cuz no one fuggin gets it?! Did I mention they were my bosses? Ohshuttup,it's.not.funny.

Alright, key learning time. The truest and time-tested element of humor is (unfortunately) pain. Whether it's physical or emotional pain:
You slip on a banana! (LOL-worthy!)
I call you a banana! (Snort-worthy!)
or sometimes used to good effect - pain on self:
Say, "I lost my nuts.." (it's a pun. Nuts, as in nuts?? geddittt??!)

(Actually me pleading for laughs is embarrasing and my guess is that you at least snorted there)

A good one I've heard was this guy doing stand-up. He was hilariously going on and on and pretty hard on gays and homosexuals and he noticed that some were getting uncomfortable. (it's the US, see). So he says, "I can see some people gettin uncom-for-ta-ble. Why so serious??! What, I can't make gay jokes now?
Can I see them gays in the house? *lifts one hand* There yoall at. See, I don't know much about gays, but I sure know this; If you can take a dick in your mouth... you sure as hell can take a joke!"

Laugh and be merry people, cheers~

You ain't takin shit from me, ya hear?!

It's been awhile, but lets waive all 'preliminary hearings' about what the heck has happened to me in the past months and focus on today's post.

Yet again, it's a politically driven article that has sent me into the urge of writing again. Check :

Legend: Green - I'm for it! Yellow - Questionable.. Red - "Like W.T.F." Bolded for emphasis (duh.)

Malaysia DNA bill draws unease

A CONTROVERSY is brewing over a seemingly rushed parliamentary bill that gives enormous powers to Malaysian police and the Home Minister over the use of a person's DNA in criminal offences.

The bill was passed in principle last Thursday after opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim staged a walkout of opposition lawmakers to protest Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar's refusal to refer the bill to a select committee for further evaluation. But the disquiet was evident: some National Front lawmakers also expressed their anxiety over the legislation's sweeping reach.

For Mr Anwar, 61, the bill must seem to be a slowly unfolding horror personally directed against him. The former deputy prime minister is facing charges that he sodomised an aide in a case that will be mentioned later this week but has refused to give the police a fresh DNA sample. But the bill would make it for suspects to provide DNA samples on pain of a mandatory jail term.

Although he refused to refer the bill to a select committee, Mr Syed Hamid assured opposition lawmakers that the police would never misuse their powers and promised to resign if they ever did. 'There is no political motive,' he later told reporters. 'I think it's ridiculous that the opposition looks at everything as having a political motive.'

But critics say that the bill seemed draconian. They note, for instance, that the legislation empowers a senior policeman to be the head of the forensic DNA databank. They maintain that an independent body, and not the police which have a vested interest in convicting suspects, should handle collection, storage and testing of specimens.

Another clause in the bill allows a policeman to 'use all means necessary' when taking non-intimate DNA samples (saliva or hair samples, for instance) from a suspect. 'What does 'all means necessary' mean in the case of a suspect who is in police custody?' asks Michael Kumar Devaraj, a medical doctor and an opposition lawmaker from Perak state.

But what frightens people most is a section saying that 'notwithstanding any written law to the contrary, any information from the DNA databank shall be admissible as conclusive proof of the DNA identification in any proceedings in any court'.

Lawyers say that it seems to suggest that a suspect cannot ask for an independent review of the DNA evidence, meaning that the DNA databank's opinion cannot be reviewed in any way by a court of law.

Finally, the legislation provides complete immunity for the minister or any DNA databank personnel for any acts of commission or omission by the person 'in good faith'. The critics note that there is no mention of how leftover samples are to be disposed, implying that suspects could possibly be framed for other crimes.

'DNA testing is too powerful a tool to be placed solely in the hands of a police force that has shown bias against political opponents in the past,' says Dr Kumar. 'Make no mistake, this is a bad law with very serious implications.'

Where do I start?

Alright, first, let me admit that I barely know anything about the law (no, Boston Legal doesn't tell me enough) but I'm pretty adamant that I don't fluking like the idea of someone forcefully trying to shove a cotton bud into my mouth.. by "using all necessary means.."!

Alright, lets not kid ourselves. Since when have we started caring that much about criminal cases to bring us to passing DN fluggin A bills in less than a month?!

Oh wait..we do! Only some cases just don't have DNA, do they? (read - *BOOM*!)

CSI'd be proud I tell yah. Hmm.. maybe not when you realize all of a sudden that one day the tables turned and you're on the mistaken side of the law - the wrong one.

Greens

Remember once when you were flipping through channels and came upon the PGA American Tour? You tried to look interested and watched for abit to see what the fuss was about.

You didn't get it.

So you tried asking the people who supposedly 'got it'. I did. Feel free to compare your response with mine:

Me: Uncle, what's so fun about golf?
Golf-Crazy-Uncle (GCU) : *pause*. Well.. *pause* It's a very interesting game.
Me: Really? (my brain goes, "Reeaallly..." *rolls eyes*) What's so interesting? It's one of the smallest balls in all balls related games and all you do is use the golf stick and whack it.
GCU: NooOoOoo.... it's more than that. *pause* Nevermind, you won't understand it now. Just play it and see lah. Besides, if you wanna climb the corporate ladder, you've gotta play it. All your bosses play it.
Me: Uhuh. *pause* So uncle how's the weather?

Back to the golf game on TV. The camera zooms in unto the player. There is pindrop silence from a crowd of hundreds. The guy does a practice swing. Looks unto the sky. Looks down. Bends his knees in an awkward position. Pulls the driver back and hits the ball. Camera zooms out to catch the sight of the black dot in the skyyyy..... and greens appear suddenly and the ball roooooooolls and stops.


I didn't get it, however today, the 5th of July 2008, Justin has officially been unto the greens.

Cheers to that. More to come about golfing, you can be sure of that. :)

Back from Bangkok

Just came back from Bangkok about 3 hours ago. It's late and I'm having jetlag. And I've to wake up for work tomorrow at 7.

Crazy.

Oh, and equally crazy is I've spent about 1k on stuff in 4 days. Lol, the look on Sulyn's eyes when I showed her all the things I've bought.. accompanied with the prices of them was just like O____O". And all she can say nowadays is, "save save save.. wanna go wanna go.. Bangkok Bangkok BaaaaangggKOKKKK!!!"


Haha, had fun and now I've gotta sleep. Bangkok update soon. Tschus!

Balancing act

UPDATED as of May 20!

Hellooo blog. Yes, Justin Wong is still alive but apparently his blog doesn't show it. Why?

No big surprise that I've been busy being busy. With what? Well, for starters, I'm now in PENANG, the island of cheap charkuayteow and one way streets.

Yeah, I'm going to be based here for about 5 months meaning till approximately mid-September and will be performing the role as a Sales and Distribution Manager.

Honestly, so many things have been happening since the last time I put up that Al-Pacino clip (which I'm guessing many of you liked but not that much to expect it to remain there for months) that I don't know where to begin.

Even personally, so many things have happened that made me rethink everything again. I'm gaining ground yet am losing footing. I'm gaining trust of others yet losing it from some I value most. I'm getting pretty good in the job yet feel I'm underperforming as well. Similarly, I'm making new friends yet this same thing seems to be the weakest link when it comes to older friends.

I just can't agree with the yin-and-yang-ness of it. Something's just not right.

Hmm, I don't suppose sleeping on it will make much of a difference, will it? But that's what I gotta do for today for the betterment of tomorrow. Hmm.. why am I living today for tomorrow again?

I don’t know what to say, really. We got three minutes left till the biggest battle of our professional lives.. It all comes down to today. We either heal as a team, or we crumble, inch by inch, play by play – until we’re finished.

We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me.

We can sit here and get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light; we can climb out of this anger and this doubt and this uncertainty – we can climb out of hell – one inch at a time, or.. I wish I could do it for you, but I can’t. I’m too old.

I look around at your faces and I see young men and I think I made every wrong choice a middle-aged old man can make – my life is a long list of rookie mistakes. I pissed away all my money, chased off everyone that loved me… lately I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror. As we get older, some things are taken away. Well, that’s part of life, but you only learn that when you lose something. You find out that life is the game of inches!

So’s football.

Because the margin for error in either game, football of life, is so small… so small, guys. One half-step too late or too early and you don’t quite make it. One half-second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it ‘cause it’s half a fingertip away. The inches we need are everywhere around us, they’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

Mandrake forgot that. He was grabbing for miles when he only needed inches. And on this team there are no shortcuts. There are no more Doctor Mandrakes. On this team we fight for that inch! We tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch! We claw with out fingernails for that inch ‘cause when you add up all those inches, that is what makes the fucking difference between winning and losing – between living and dying…

In any fight I can tell you this,k It’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s going to win that inch. And I know that if I’m gonna have any kind of life anymore, it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch…

That’s what living is.

The six inches in front of your face. I can’t make you do it. You have to look around – look at the guy next to you – look into his eyes – and I think you’ll see a guy you know will go that inch with you. You’ll see a guy who’ll sacrifice himself for his team because when it comes down to it, he knows you would do the same for him! That’s a team, gentlemen!... And either we will heal now as a team – or we will die as individuals.

That’s football, guys; that’s all it is.

Now what are you going to do?

Taken from the movie Any Given Sunday starring Al Pacino. With stunning speeches and priceless expressions such as this one, he is undoubtedly one of the greatest actors who ever graced the silver screens. Hope you enjoyed it.

Assembly on Saturday

In line with my new desire for change and to 'live it up', I am telling myself that I deserve something interesting in life to do. Therefore my current resolution (yes, i believe in dynamic rather than static I-want-to-lose-10-kilos resolutions) is to do something new, interesting and different every week. On the other hand, this brings Kenny Sia to mind as I recall his motto being "making everyday things interesting" or some sort.

Anyhow, in that line, Len Jin planned to head for a trip to the Zoo / Bird park / etc. but didn't really turn out cuz of a many people flying aeroplanes as well as a rainy Saturday morning. Instead, we went out and grabbed lunch followed by a movie. Hold up, I can't remember what I ate. *thinks* Knowing it's Len Jin, i know it must've been something good. Hmm...

*still thinking*

Anyhow, we watched Assembly soonafter. Here's my take on the movie.
Assembly refers to the call of the bugle to retreat and regroup, and this is the call that Captain Gu Zidi (Zhang Hanyu) and his 47 men of the 9th Company, 3rd Batallion, 139th Regiment, are keenly listening out for, as they go about their mission in ill-equipped fashion. There is significance in knowing all those numbers as it indirectly depicted the passion and emotion Captain Gu had for his men.

Halfway through, the movie slows down abruptly like the current condition of my Proton Saga(due to engine probs). It then brought the viewers to a softer - and yet deeper - side of post-war syndrome. It almost entirely detaches you from the first half of the show, not to mention bringing up family matters as well as a view of the larger picture in war, only to bring you back to the first point of the assembly that never was.

The movie gives sufficient food for thought for us naive humans to learn about. Such as..

1. Brotherhood

Band of Chinese brothers

The appreciation and sanctity of brotherhood nowadays falls far from what it could be. To know that there are ones who would be willing to take a bullet for you is something. Many a time nowadays we see 'friends' using other friends, and many who take friendships for granted.

2. War
If you watch movies such as these and still vote for pro-war policies, then you can go fuggyerself, period.

3. Appreciation
If you're one to be feeling unappreciated or think that you've a shitty life, think again. Like I've been repeating to myself alot these days, there are almost no problems that we face day in and day out which are matters of life and death. So get a grip and move on.

Personally, there were scenes that really built them tears at the edge of the eyes and also times when I was left panting at the edge of my seat. (Ok, maybe it was just me..) But overall, highly reccomended!

Rating: 9/10

Oh, also, I was driving back today and I saw these 2 large posters in my vicinity. Apparently a heated topic now. (btw, these jokers have no sense of logic, putting these posters halfway uphill where you can't stop to look. I had to make a U-turn and go into another road)

Translated jist of it (courtesy of Qian Hui): "guarding the post carefully, serving with humble manner...pls vote for BN"

This is what it really boiled down to, huh? Personal attacks. Happens in the US too, but imo, this is quite immature. I mean, you all are leaders for heaven's sake. I can't imagine how anyone who'd do this try to fight for us in parliament.

"all this while, from starting to the end, never will leave and abandon, pls vote for BN" (Thanks Qian Hui! :)

What do they mean by be 2nd choice? Asked my dad and apparently all 'government' MPs get a budget of RM2 million per year for development purposes. "DAP MPs?", i ask. "None..", he solemnly replies. WTF? What, so you're all BETTER than DAP delegates or something? This part I don't get. Can anyone help me out on this one? Or are we kept in the dark - as always.

Coming up next, Ducks of Nottingham!