Really?

People say imitation is the best form of flattery and more often than not I agree too when it comes to buying up the dvd shop in batu ferringi, or when it comes to picking a RM8.50 charkuayteow versus a say, RM2.80 charkuayteow where you'd have to wait for 45 mins and 5 mins respectively. It's all the same to me.

But aside from certain college assignments as well as some classroom antics, I never expected for me to encounter someone..copying.. me. (yes, low self-esteem does come from not scoring Bs in my class)

 At least she took some time to edit it. Reminds me of my uni assignment, of which I got a C - for Copying, lol

Haha, don't get me wrong, I've gotten over any sort of anger or resentment phase that would make this seem like an effect to whine like someone took my lolipop. It's now more of.. em, "what do I do with these people?"

If I may, amplify the scenario to gigantic proportions, I would see myself imagining how it'd be to be a rockstar for a day. I'd have a giant afro that defied gravity and smelt like the bush from hell. I'd mix it up like rapstars with some old school Bling™ that hung from my neck all the way to my.. u know, other bush. And when I come on stage, I see people idolizing me and echoing every word I rock from my rocking mouth.

I say: YEEEEAAAOoOooooo...
They say: YEEEEAAAOoOooooo...
I say:  WooOoeeaEEEEAAAOoOooooo...
They say: WooOoeeaEEEEAAAOoOooooo...

Then again, it isn't that dramatic. A friend of mine tzeching also had her site copied big time before. It's just someone blatantly plagarized my post, and I think it's funny. It's not like I'm making tons of dough typing my ramblings everyday.

But I do want to say this, the least you could do is LINK my SITE, woman!

Barely passing

Today was another one of a stream of bad events that has been going through my life. When Ian found out, he said Buddhists would call it bad karma. I feel that God's trying to 'put me to the test..and deliver me from evil' as they say. And what's worse, I don't seem to be passing. :(

I duno man. Call it whatever you will, karma, luck, fate, etc., I'm avoiding succumbing to attributing events in my life to these factors. Apparently a friend of mine said that a typical 'Chinese' cure would be to give some donations to the poor. Although I have nothing against that and makes alot of sense, I still feel that it's an indirect way of washing your hands of things, dont'cha think?

A conversation could between Mr.Aeh and Mr. Bee would go like:
A: Man, damn crappy weh today..
B: Why la bro?
A: Duno la, keep screwing up everything
B: Bad luck weh u..
A: Yealah, bad luck.. What to do?
B: Can't do anything bro, just plain 'ol bad luck.

See what I mean? My approach is that unless you've done everything in your capacity to avoid whatever just happened to you, it ain't luck bro. I call it "Learning it the Hard Way" or an "Expensive Lesson".

Oh also, I did something today that I never imagined I'd do. I yumcha-ed with about 7 cops. I didn't know much to talk about when they were going about their usual police garblebob language. Duno whaat la. I'll reserve whatever comments I have for now, though.

On another note..
Here's a fantastic track by Boyz II Men called Tracks of My Tears. In case you didn't know, these guys ROCK. What I'd give to have any one of their voices. Don't get too mesmerized that you forget to check out their coordinated steps too.

Btw, didn't they have 4 members before?

Anyway, here are the lyrics to it. (As far as I've looked, I'm one of the few who have a copy-able version on the net, so you're welcome for typing it out! :)

Boyz II Men – Tracks of My Tears

Verse 1
People say I’m the life of the party
‘Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue

Chorus
So take a good look at my face
You’ll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

I need you, need you

Verse 2
Since you left me if you see me with another girl
Seeming like I’m having fun
Although she may be cute, she’s just a substitute
Because you’re the permanent one
[Chorus]

I need you, need you

Bridge
Outside (I’m masquerading)
Inside (My hope is fading)
Just a clown (Ooh yeah since you put me down)
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you

[Repeat Chorus]

I like. :)

credit to LenJin for introducing this clip to me

I am what I am

Challenging. Fiery. Down. Different. Dented. Politics. Be strong. Speed. Take it easy.

The above mentioned words basically sum the ongoings in my life in the past month. As many of you know, I'm past my first month of actual working life; and I will affirm the old saying by many elders, "It's not easy.."

Indeed, you may argue that it is never easy. But talking about work, I am not. In fact, the work (or admittedly the lack of it, sometimes) has been the best part of things. I think I'm doing pretty alright in that field. Keyword being think.

I'm referring to the soft skills, the life skills - the other 50% of what matters. Some of you probably are reading this in disbelief, when I am willingly admitting that, "Yes, I am not that good with people after all.." I've neither problem with honesty, nor with humility.

But finding out - not through thought but through experience after experience - that you were wrong all this while about yourself and many other things is like a reality check that didn't ring the doorbell. I was hit, and injured badly. It's not easy crawling on a battlefield that you cannot get out of and constantly taking bullets while you try to switch to offense mode.

Truth be told, this is one of the few times of my life where I am caught off guard. Many other a time I would be pretty sure of my exact position; through thorough bouts of self-contemplation and reflection on foreseeable misgivings, which would then enable me to make quick fixes.

So this is..new to me.

But new is good. I always welcome new - good or bad. Because this is how us homosapiens grow and differentiate ourselves from the rest. Reminds me of the rather thin yet profound book called Who moved my cheese by Dr Spencer Johnson where he implied that if you don't welcome (or at least accept) change, you better be good at counting spare change.

So I persevered and took on the challenge, knowing that winning this battle would give me a crucial edge in this game called life - where the strong survive, but the best conquer. I sought to improve myself by whatever means necessary - and I mean whatever. I searched and searched for answers in books, articles and such, but none seemed to be helping as much as I hoped.

Then the old adage "Rome wasn't built in a day, you idiot.." hit me. (yeah, the last part was from the devil within) Then I realized, that no matter how many baby steps you have to take, walk the distance as it is the only way.

Now here lies another complication. When you see the other generals in the same battlefield yet winning and slaughtering their enemies effortlessly, the pressure to at least match their level arises. So I started learning from the best of them and I did improve a fair bit.

But it reached an extent where I felt confused; confused on my own identity. You see, in this whole pursuit of 'a better me', I seemed to have lost my passion for all things else. Interests that previously sculpted my and others' image of myself. Music, singing, guitars, graphics, writing aka blogging, exercise are among the justinian activities that I have forcefully let go off due to time and energy constraints. And more than anything, it takes out the fun out of living.

When I realized this, I zoomed out on my game stopped everything, paused it took a deep breath, and looked at the big picture and started contemplating...

Was I that bad? Am I better.. or worse off? What are the reactions? What about work-life balance? Can you keep doing this?

Yes.. and no.

Because you've learnt in one month what you would've expect to be tenfold of that period! To throw away everything that has made me a better man would be foolish - read: understatement.

And on the other hand, to change 20 years of who you are and have become is impossible (and will make you look like an absolute fool when people realize that you're not even good at being "yourself") Because I am what I am, and not even I can change that.

Day 3 batMan

I've been having a pretty stretching first few days. The most obvious first would be the multitude of names that I've forced my petty brain to memorize. And I do this by saying their name in my mind for about 6 times and going round again. So far I've met about close to a sixty people in this past 3 days, so you can imagine the 'party' going on inside. And that's along with the hundreds of abbreviations they're constantly throwing at me. On top of my mind are DMM, DSM, ASS, BOI, BOE, HPR, SPR, SDR, RCS, CO, PO, CI.... Wala*eh. One fine day, I will understand all the terminology and write a rap song using only letters and Uhuhs, yos, ya-feel -mes.

Another pleasant surprise was the amount of effort actually put into the Management Trainee program. Today a few fellow Management Trainees and I were in a room with a few HR-Marketing managers, and for about an hour plus accumulatively, they discussed our 2 year program in depth. I tell you this because I honestly never expected this program to be taken as seriously as portrayed to us in the beginning and I thus doubted the alignment between its planning and execution. But it seemed like the bosses here were more gung ho about implementing it as well as continuously improving the program. BAT's HR and administration continues to amaze me.

Coming soon: A philosophical approach on life prioritizing