Losing grip

Much *pause* has happened during my absence from this blog. In fact, these happenings are perhaps the cause of my desire to avoid writing about them as:
Firstly, there's too much to write.
Secondly, there's nothing much to write.
Thirdly, to think about what I'm writing would be like trying to blow an already fully inflated balloon.

I'd

pop.

Dramaticism aside. I'm at one of the lowest points of my life where almost nothing I do seems to be right. Have you ever been through that? You don't have to be a genius to know that it's tough. Especially when you're used to having almost everything going your way right before this.

So I'm wondering to myself,
"Why is this happening?"
"What's different now?"
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Should/can I blame anyone else but myself?"
"Is it me.. or is it my situation/condition?"
"Is it me?"
"Is it..me?"

Notice never once did I ask, "Why me?"

I understand that in this life, you have to go through the rock bottom of shit to know how you should appreciate the times you're not in it.

But this is close.

I'm probably trying too hard to be too [insert adjective here]. Maybe I'm trying too hard.
Working too hard.
Loving too hard.
Thinking too hard.

Yeah bro, the person who gets hurt most in the end is.. (yep, you guessed it) yourself.

Come to think of it, all this being hard is making me soft in the head. (No pun intended, whatsoever) No really, methinks this is draining energy out of me. Everyday I come home tired and mentally exhausted. (For some reason, I've been needing naps periodically and needing additional night sleep. Much more than what I used to need)

All I can do now is utilize my time to the best of my capacity; the rest is up to God.

I can't bring myself to say that this'll be better soon, but I've learnt the hard way not to overpromise others and myself. To those who're also going through trying times, you have my moral support and I'm sure I have yours.

In the meantime, I'll be working overtime. So pardon my neglect of this blog temporarily; though I may drop in to write a word or two once in awhile. Wish me luck, 'n thanks for the love.