Run rat, run.

I'm sittin here in my boring room. It's just another sunny Wen'sday afternoon. I'm wasting my time I've got nothing to do. I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you. But nothing ever happens, and I wonder.

That's the direct opposite of what I'm going through. (In case that sounded familiar, that was the lyrics for the one hit wonder, Lemon Tree by Fools Garden) Schedule's been ultra hectic and I don't foresee it getting any easier.

I'm lovin it! =D

Perhaps this is one of the perks of the non-working lifestyle which I'm going for now before I find a permanent job which ties me down. You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. But in turn, food's not guaranteed to be put on the table. It's the typical rat race scenario all over again; whether you want to be in the rat race and run in that treadmill. I wish i could better describe a rat race but I found this interesting take online by R. Ayana. I hate the fact that I don't see myself anywhere near this writing skill but it's just too good:

A rat race is, of course, a treadmill. Even if two rats ‘race’ on a single wheel, neither wins or loses. They go nowhere and see nothing beyond their next step. All they achieve is (an) exercise – until they step off the wheel.

The human/rat race lives in a delicious illusion of progress; the same drives, hopes, fears, addictions and personalities are clothed in an endless series of fashions and faces, a gene pool which maintains itself and acts as a brake on true change.

While running on The Wheel you can only keep your eyes ahead on imagined destiny or destination, creating a tunnel vision that excludes everything else, a vortex that appears to move past while you spin the Wheel. Getting off the wheel can be tricky once momentum has built up.

Attempting to stop suddenly can throw you for a loop. A rat can spin out or be violently thrown off the Wheel. To get off the wheel it’ a good idea to first note where you are and recognise what’s happening before gently slowing to a complete stop. This can be difficult when other rats (or domesticated primates) are running in the same Wheel – or rut.

Each rat has to do it for themselves. And they all have to do it together.

Told'ja.

So on the other hand, do we come out, like the adventurous rat who comes out to scavenge for a BIG and seemingly inexistant lump of cheese. This rat might starve, get killed, get into fights with scavenging rats also fighting to survive, or worse suffocate and die from a rat trap. On the other hand, a discovery of the coveted treasure would assure he would never have to run anywhere for anyone.. anymore. In a sense, we're all running, but what're we running after? And will your running get you anywhere?

I know some of you just went, "oh no.. it's another one of those conflicts about the future". I can't help it, it eats you up sometimes. Especially if you're 'jobless', lol.

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
One moment. Would you capture it or just let it slip?

That's the lyrics from Lose Yourself and captures the key point I'm trying to drive here. That if you see an opportunity to get your cheese but you knew it was not of the conventional system of finding a job etc., what would you do? I've heard enough stories from working adults - wait, I'm even hearing it from sulyn - that they fear one day it might come to a point where they dread their job. Unfortunately by that time, commitments would have rolled themselves into our lives and to take that kind of risk is like telling the General that you have to search for water when bullets are flying past your face in the midst of war. You can't just run out then, can you? We just can't afford that, can we?

*inhales..thinks*

I reckon I'll run around for awhile for the time being.